There are many clichés about finding love. “You will know it when you see it.” “When you know, you know.” “It will feel different from anything you have ever felt.” These are all very mystical notions.

They are also very aggravating. The idea of knowing or feeling indicates that there’s a higher power involved, that this kind of attraction is based on chemistry, on planets and signs, on destiny -- what you do or say has nothing to do with it. Women are usually the ones who use these clichés, and they use

them with goofy grins painted across their faces. "I just knew." "I had butterflies." "It can happen to you too." As your Wing Girl, I will let you in on a little secret: Love is not as cosmically determined as women would like to believe.

There is a recipe for creating butterflies, and I am going to give it to you.What They Definitely Don’t Want Do Women Really Prefer Bad Boys to Nice Guys?

Many men believe women want to be with the Bad Boy and that being labeled as “Nice” is the kiss of death. The first thing that I want to get out there is that women do want to be with a nice man;

what they do not want is a man who is a wimp. There is a big difference. "Nice" is simply the polite term women use when what they really mean is "Grow some freaking balls and stop being a wimp!"

Women Do Not Want to Be With the Bad Boy!

I have never heard of a woman sitting with her friends during Girls’ Night who said, "I can't wait

until I meet a jerk who will treat me poorly, belittle me on a daily basis, and show absolutely no respect for me." If that is what you believe women want. . .we have some serious work to do!

I will admit that I understand how this rumor started and why so many men still believe that acting like a jerk will get them everything they want with women. Every day you see women with guys who you know don’t deserve them; jerks or downright douche bags with amazing women by their sides.

You may even be the shoulder that those women cry on when these guys act like selfish scumbags. You

think to yourself, "I’m a great guy; I should be with this girl. I have to become just like those jerks so that

girls will date me." Let me explain why these women keep going back to those Bad Boy characters.

Sadly, the Bad Boys are the ones who approach women. Nice Guys rarely approach women and

if they do, they screw it up every time because they instantly put the woman on a pedestal. Bad Boys

are confident in themselves, respect the lives they have created, and they go after the women they

want without fear of rejection. In the beginning, they display characteristics of a man any girl would want to be with. They show confidence, self-respect, independence, leadership, passion, and desirability to other women. Then something interesting happens. Slowly their true colors start to show and it

becomes apparent that they are jerks. However, by this point a woman is hooked on the Bad Boy. She believes that her first evaluation

of him was correct and is embarrassed by her seeming “stupidity.” She tries to change him back into that great guy that she believes he secretly is. She tries to make him into a man he will never be. And so

the vicious cycle begins. It continues until she is finally ready to give up and cut her losses. This can take a long time.

I see it happen constantly with my female friends. I hear them complain, get mad, and try

everything to turn their Bad Boy into the Nice Guy they thought he was, and that they demand he be. I 

can tell you for a fact that women do not want to be with Bad Boys, Jerks, and assholes. Who would?

What we do want is a mix of the Knight in Shining Armor who sweeps us off our feet and the 

Bad Biker Boy from the wrong side of the tracks who takes us on a thrill ride. A woman wants a manwith a backbone, one who will tell her when she is wrong. She wants a man who will not lie down and play dead when she is being overly demanding or bossy.

A strong, independent woman wants a man who will treat her well. She will not go searching for 

a "player" or a two-timing douche-bag. All we are asking for is a man to treat us with respect yet at the 

same time respect himself. Women do not want to be with a Bad Boy. What women want is to be with a 

Nice Guy that is confident and a leader; who holds boundaries, and respects himself. A Nice Guy with all the Bad Boy strengths. In my eyes, Nice Guys will always have massive sex appeal!

Why Men Give Bad Advice

Just when I think, I have taken men two steps forward, I get emails like the one following. Emails 

from guys telling me they have stumbled upon Pick-Up Artist materials or advice from a "reputable resource" that their friends recommend. Inevitably, it blows up in their faces. Check out the email on the next page from a guy who stumbled upon an old Tom Leykis segment and was given the typical advice of "just treat girls like crap." Also, check out how the tactic blew up in his face!

Too Much Game Can Ruin Your Chances with Women

Many men get carried away trying to play "The Game"--so carried away with being charming 

that they lose the girl! Listen, I am the first one to admit that I love the game! I love the banter, the 

butterflies, the teasing, all of it. It is fun, but only for a night, maybe two at the most. After that, I need 

something a little more substantial or I’ll move on.

A while back when I was first introduced to the world of the Pick-Up Artists, I met one of its leaders, Mystery, while speaking at a David DeAngelo seminar. In case you do not know what a Pick-Up 

Artist is, I will explain. A Pick-Up Artist is a man who considers himself skilled (or who tries to be skilled) at meeting, attracting, and seducing women. The term Pick-Up Artist is associated with the seduction 

community which is a heterosexual male subculture based on the goal of improved sexual and romantic 

abilities with women. Pick-Up Artists develop pick-up lines, routines, and gambits. They aim to improve their seductive capabilities through the development of different lifestyles. Many Pick-Up Artists use 

manipulative tactics to feed off a woman’s insecurities, seduce her, and get what they want. These 

techniques not only hurt women but also men. The more women interact with a said "Pick-Up Artists" and get hurt, the more cautious they will be with all men. This means higher hurdles for regular guys to jump over.

Back to my point. . .I met Mystery. He was a tall man wearing a top hat, nail polish and a leotard. 

I kid you not. He introduced himself by teasing me and telling me stories, which honestly kept me 

captivated for an hour. I understand how his game works, and it worked on me. I was excited, bubbly, and dying for him to want me. Did I want him? Not at all, but I wanted him to want me. Do you see the 

difference?

I did not fall madly in love with him, nor did I think we had a great connection, but I had an urge 

for him to like me and want me. Once we separated, though, I did not think of him again. I didn’t want 

to talk to him the next day or for him to call me. I got everything out of him that I wanted. I knew there 

was nothing else he could offer. His magic only worked for a short period of time because I had nothing 

real to feel connected to. I was simply entertained.

Many of the men that I work with on a daily basis are or have been part of the Pick- Up Artist 

community. They have consumed tons of Pick-Up Artist materials and have probably done a boot camp 

or two with a top Pick-Up Artist. These men have no problem engaging and approaching women, but 

they all come to me with the same problem.

"Where did I go wrong? How did I lose her?"

The answer to those questions is that they were so wrapped up in the game that they forgot to 

be present and connect to the woman in front of them. They have learned to capture an audience but 

they have not learned how to make that audience want more. At the core, most Pick-Up Artist programs 

mean well. However, if used incorrectly, they do a lot more harm than good.

These programs fall short because they dehumanize men and women alike, making it nearly 

impossible to form a real connection. I am going to give you a straight and honest female perspective. As 

a man, you have to give women a little more than entertainment to win her heart. I receive many of 

these emails, but I just want to share a few with you that show the kinds of mistakes men tend to make 

when they take the wrong advice.

The following email is from a 26-year-old man in London, England.

Hey Marni, 

Wanted to ask you a question but I am going to need to explain the situation to you first so you get the 

full picture. It was a singles’ social boat-cruise, and the following are the events that happened with one 

of the cuties that I am interested in dating. Need some opinion on how to pick up the momentum. 

The particular cutie that caught my eye I approached by grabbing her by her arm and telling her to 

follow me. She came along willingly. 

Me: Why were you avoiding me all night? 

Her: I was not; you were busy running around with other girls. 

Me: Wait, are you single? 

Her: Yes, of course 

Me: You had better be, otherwise I would have to kick you off the boat! 

Her: *Dead air* 

Me: Are you a good girl or a nice girl?

Her: Naughty but nice.

Me: Do you speak English?

Her: Yes.

Me: Choose one then…good or nice?

Her: Nice I guess.

Me. Do you know the difference?

Her: You tell me.

Me: Good Girl goes out, comes home and sleeps; Nice Girl goes out, sleeps and comes home.

Her: *Dead air*

Me: Do you know the difference between Good Secretary and a Nice Secretary?

Her: No, go ahead.

Me: Good Secretary will say, "Good morning, Sir," and Nice Secretary will say, "It’s morning, Sir."

Her: *Dead air*

Then we have a chat about where she is staying, her ethnic mix, and places she has traveled. She turns 

out to be Singaporean and British. 

Me: I bet you suck at Thumb-Wrestling!"

Her: Bring it on.

Me: I do not play without a wager.

Her: What is the wager?

Me: Loser buys dinner. Her: Okay.

Me: No Cheating! Best out of three, go!

Last round, I start to tickle her and wrestle with her. It is good fun with some tension. I lose on purpose 

because I tickled her. I say, "Okay, give me your number and we’ll set something up." We part. The next 

hour, we exchange glances and I throw a few "I’m watching you" and "Stay out of trouble" lines at her, 

at which she giggles (most probably from a nice dosage of alcohol).

Friday: Cool off.

At 30,000 feet, somewhere between Buffalo and Dallas, he put his magazine in his seat pocket, turned in my direction, and asked, “What kind of work do you do?”

“I do marriage counseling and lead marriage enrichment seminars,” I said matter-of-factly.

“I’ve been wanting to ask someone this for a long time,” he said. “What

happens to the love after you get married?”

Relinquishing my hopes of getting a nap, I asked, “What do you mean?”

“Well,” he said, “I’ve been married three times, and each time, it was

wonderful before we got married, but somehow after the wedding it all fell apart.

All the love I thought I had for her and the love she seemed to have for me evaporated. I am a fairly intelligent person. I operate a successful business, but I don’t understand it.”

“How long were you married?” I asked.

“The first one lasted about ten years. The second time, we were married three years, and the last one, almost six years.”

“Did your love evaporate immediately after the wedding, or was it a gradual loss?” I inquired.

“Well, the second one went wrong from the very beginning. I don’t know what happened. I really thought we loved each other, but the honeymoon was a disaster, and we never recovered. We only dated six months. It was a whirlwind

romance. It was really exciting! But after the marriage, it was a battle from the beginning.

“In my first marriage, we had three or four good years before the baby

came. After the baby was born, I felt like she gave her attention to the baby and I no longer mattered. It was as if her one goal in life was to have a baby, and after the baby, she no longer needed me.”

“Did you tell her that?” I asked.

“Oh, yes, I told her. She said I was crazy. She said I did not understand the stress of being a twenty-four-hour nurse. She said I should be more understanding and help her more. I really tried, but it didn’t seem to make any difference. After that, we just grew further apart. After a while, there was no love left, just deadness. Both of us agreed that the marriage was over.

“My last marriage? I really thought that one would be different. I had been divorced for three years. We dated each other for two years. I really thought we knew what we were doing, and I thought that perhaps for the first time I really knew what it meant to love someone. I genuinely felt that she loved me.

“After the wedding, I don’t think I changed. I continued to express love to her as I had before marriage. I told her how beautiful she was. I told her how much I loved her. I told her how proud I was to be her husband. But a few months after marriage, she started complaining; about petty things at first—like my not taking the garbage out or not hanging up my clothes. Later, she went to attacking my character, telling me she didn’t feel she could trust me, accusing me of not being faithful to her. She became a totally negative person. Before marriage, she was never negative. She was one of the most positive people I have ever met. That is one of the things that attracted me to her. She never complained about anything. Everything I did was wonderful, but once we were married, it seemed I could do nothing right. I honestly don’t know what happened. Eventually, I lost my love for her and began to resent her. She obviously had no love for me. We agreed there was no benefit to our living together any longer, so we split.

“That was a year ago. So my question is, What happens to love after the wedding? Is my experience common? Is that why we have so many divorces in our country? I can’t believe that it happened to me three times. And those who don’t divorce, do they learn to live with the emptiness, or does love really stay alive in some marriages? If so, how?”

The questions my friend seated in 5A was asking are the questions that thousands of married and divorced persons are asking today. Some are asking friends, some are asking counselors and clergy, and some are asking themselves.

Sometimes the answers are couched in psychological research jargon that is almost incomprehensible. Sometimes they are couched in humor and folklore.

Most of the jokes and pithy sayings contain some truth, but they are like offeringan aspirin to a person with cancer.

The desire for romantic love in marriage is deeply rooted in our

psychological makeup. Almost every popular magazine has at least one article each issue on keeping love alive in a marriage. Books abound on the subject.

Television and radio talk shows deal with it. Keeping love alive in our marriages is serious business.

With all the books, magazines, and practical help available, why is it that so few couples seem to have found the secret to keeping love alive after the wedding? Why is it that a couple can attend a communication workshop, hear wonderful ideas on how to enhance communication, return home, and find themselves totally unable to implement the communication patterns demonstrated? How is it that we read a magazine article on “101 Ways to Express Love to Your Spouse,” select two or three ways that seem especially good to us, try them, and our spouse doesn’t even acknowledge our effort? We give up on the other 98 ways and go back to life as usual.

The answer to those questions is the purpose of this book. It is not that the

books and articles already published are not helpful. The problem is that we have

overlooked one fundamental truth: People speak different love languages.

In the area of linguistics, there are major language groups: Japanese,

Chinese, Spanish, English, Portuguese, Greek, German, French, and so on. Most

of us grow up learning the language of our parents and siblings, which becomes

our primary or native tongue. Later, we may learn additional languages but usually with much more effort. These become our secondary languages. We speak and understand best our native language. We feel most comfortable speaking that language. The more we use a secondary language, the more comfortable we become conversing in it. If we speak only our primary language and encounter someone else who speaks only his or her primary language, which is different from ours, our communication will be limited. We must rely on pointing, grunting, drawing pictures, or acting out our ideas. We can communicate, but it is awkward. Language differences are part and parcel of human culture. If we are to communicate effectively across cultural lines, we must learn the language of those with whom we wish to communicate.

In the area of love, it is similar. Your emotional love language and the language of your spouse may be as different as Chinese from English. No matter how hard you try to express love in English, if your spouse understands only Chinese, you will never understand how to love each other. My friend on the plane was speaking the language of “Affirming Words” to his third wife when he said, “I told her how beautiful she was. I told her I loved her. I told her how proud I was to be her husband.” He was speaking love, and he was sincere, but she did not understand his language. Perhaps she was looking for love in his behavior and didn’t see it. Being sincere is not enough. We must be willing to learn our spouse’s primary love language if we are to be effective

communicators of love.

My conclusion after thirty years of marriage counseling is that there are basically five emotional love languages—five ways that people speak and understand emotional love. In the field of linguistics a language may have numerous dialects or variations. Similarly, within the five basic emotional love languages, there are many dialects. That accounts for the magazine articles titled “10 Ways to Let Your Spouse Know You Love Her,” “20 Ways to Keep Your Man at Home,” or “365 Expressions of Marital Love.” There are not 10, 20, or 365 basic love languages. In my opinion, there are only five. However, there may be numerous dialects. The number of ways to express love within a love language is limited only by one’s imagination. The important thing is to speak the love language of your spouse.

We have long known that in early childhood development each child

develops unique emotional patterns. Some children, for example, develop a pattern of low self-esteem whereas others have healthy self-esteem. Some develop emotional patterns of insecurity whereas others grow up feeling secure.

Some children grow up feeling loved, wanted, and appreciated, yet others grow up feeling unloved, unwanted, and unappreciated.

The children who feel loved by their parents and peers will develop a primary emotional love language based on their unique psychological makeup and the way their parents and other significant persons expressed love to them.

They will speak and understand one primary love language. They may later learn a secondary love language, but they will always feel most comfortable with their primary language. Children who do not feel loved by their parents and peers will also develop a primary love language. However, it will be somewhat distorted in much the same way as some children may learn poor grammar and have an underdeveloped vocabulary. That poor programming does not mean they cannot become good communicators. But it does mean they will have to work at it more

diligently than those who had a more positive model. Likewise, children who grow up with an underdeveloped sense of emotional love can also come to feel loved and to communicate love, but they will have to work at it more diligently than those who grew up in a healthy, loving atmosphere.

Seldom do a husband and wife have the same primary emotional love language. We tend to speak our primary love language, and we become confused when our spouse does not understand what we are communicating. We are expressing our love, but the message does not come through because we are speaking what, to them, is a foreign language. Therein lies the fundamental problem, and it is the purpose of this book to offer a solution. That is why I dare to write another book on love. Once we discover the five basic love languages and understand our own primary love language, as well as the primary love language of our spouse, we will then have the needed information to apply the ideas in the books and articles.

Once you identify and learn to speak your spouse’s primary love language, I believe that you will have discovered the key to a long-lasting, loving marriage.

Love need not evaporate after the wedding, but in order to keep it alive most of us will have to put forth the effort to learn a secondary love language. We cannot rely on our native tongue if our spouse does not understand it. If we want him/her to feel the love we are trying to communicate, we must express it in his or her primary love language.

Love quote for wife and girl friends


             My lovely wife

                     Sweetheart

                     Love

           Perfect together

                    Nice

        I love you. My life

          Thank you

1. I wish to tell you, that every time I am with you I feel blessed. I plead you to bless me forever with your love.

2. Your love, your care, your support and faith, have made me a better person. I promise you all the happiness, fun and love in life. Be mine forever

3. I love to lie down in your arms and listen to your heart beats. It makes me feel that there is someone in this world, whose heart beats only for me. I just can't stop loving you.

4. After I met you, I found life and a reason to live it. Your smiling face means the world to me. Please gift my world to me by being mine forever.

5. When I am with you, I am full of life. You make me feel special, you are my heart, soul and world. Please be with me forever.

6. You are the one, whom I think about while I go to bed, and the reason I blush while listening to love stories. I love you.

7. I love absolutely everything about you. But the thing I love the most is, the way you make me smile even while you are not around. I'm so madly in love with you.

8. When you hug me, it makes me forget the world outside. I feel so special and so loved. No one in this world can make me feel this way. I love you.

9. You encourage me, advice me, love me and spoil me. Most of all you my love, you bring out the best in me. I love you.

10. When around you, I don't need to be someone else. Thank you for loving me, for who I am.

1. Sleep Well Tonight Night is come by, so set your bed and go to sleep, What lies ahead of you, are lovely dreams. May all your problems and worries melt away, For tomorrow is going to be a brand new day! Good night!

2. I Miss You Everyday Not a day passes by when I don't miss your presence, Not a second gone by when I don't long for your essence. You are like a drug to me baby, I am so addicted to you, You not being by my side makes me so sad and blue. Cannot wait to hold you in my arms and never let you go, How much I miss you so, you will probably never know.